If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
