its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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