I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
