Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
