AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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