just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
