I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
