What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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