Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
