we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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