He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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