So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
