I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
