Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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