My liver just broke up with me...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
