Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
