I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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