nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
