Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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