people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
