Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
