the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
