Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
