And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
