I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize