You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
