i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i out mim tonsoeep
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