Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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