some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
