I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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