There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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