woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
