He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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