My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
