the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
