I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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