you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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