Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
