I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Success! We fucked roommates!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
