Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She bit a glass in half.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What a dumb baby whore.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
