He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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