My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
