I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
