It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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