i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
