you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
