just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
