I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
