I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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