His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
