I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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