i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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