The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
