just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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