I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
