it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
