I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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