if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
