I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
