sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
