she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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