Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
