Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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