It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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